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A short break seems to alleviate that fear enough that they go ahead and admit the ugly truth.
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Trying to see a situation from your spouse's perspective is supposed to be a good thing, right?
Other ideas might be to sketch your geographic moves over time or your most important life choices or anything that's relevant to the current discussion.
The idea being to create a (literal) picture of the past that illustrates what to do—or not to do—in your future.